Today in college we raised money for charity. We did this not out of the kindness of our hearts, but because we had to for welsh bacc. Our fundraising idea was to get people to try and eat 3 jacob’s crackers in 1 minute, for 50p. If they pulled off this amazing feat we would give them £10. We neglected to tell them that the world record was something like 1 minute 38 seconds. Oops. We made around £30 and lots of crumbs. Other charity ideas included a rap battle which nearly turned into full on gang warfare, and people getting waxed in all sorts of places. Some girl also got a pie in her face, but i don’t think it was for charity. It was all white on her face…I bet that’s not the only time she’s had a white substance covering her face. Ohhhhh no he didn’t! Oh yes he did! Sally’s brother gave me a lift home, his car had comfy seats. I also played super smash brothers brawl at annie’s house, it’s amazing.

In other news:

• Yo proffesor!
• “Police say UFO was just the Moon” “it’s the Moon, over.” Indeed. At the risk of encouraging conspiracy theorists, It’s all a cover up, there was a UFO, the police lied and infact it was jesus and ET come to save us from evil.
• I’m pretty sure the grammer in this post is awful, but i’ve eaten a shitload of icecream and my head feels funny.
• Teh end.

“Schoolboy first to ‘name’ iceberg” Guess what he named it…go on guess, fine i’ll tell you, he called it “Melting Bob”, possibly the best name for anything ever. Wait why is “Name” in speech marks? That implies more than naming…

Anyway, here are some facts about “Melting Bob”:

• “The iceberg bobs in the water and is melting”
• “It’s huge and cool.”
• Melting Bob is three times the size of Greater London with a surface area of 1,985sq miles (5,141sq km) and had been referred to by a codename - C19A.
• Melting Bob was created in May 2002 when it cleaved from the Ross ice shelf.

What do you think Professor Dowdeswell?

“I like the name because it encompasses the two ways in which icebergs become smaller - by melting, of course, but also by fragmentation which is caused by flexing in ocean waves,”

Wow, that’s really cool. I love you Melting Bob.

Today’s frankly hilarious news story concerns the wearing of a “black-and-white checked scarf” that apparently resembles those worn by “Muslim terrorists appearing in beheading and hostage-taking videos”. This happened in a advert for Dunkin’ Donuts.

Ok..a few things: I see loads of kids wearing these scarfs (also considerable amounts of eye make up and crotch-hurtinly tight pants) around where I live. I doubt these people could beat up a pancake, let alone be terrorists. Second of all the “Islamic terrorists” that we all hear so much about also have faces, does this mean we should censor all faces everywhere? Wait they wear shoes as well! We must censor those! And they have bumholes, quickly we must get some corks! Etc..etc…

The blogger who actually brought this terrible advertising atrocity to light goes by the name of Michelle Malkin. I implore you, you kind people, you who know that we must do all we can to fight this terrorist threat, imform Michelle, our saviour, that these terrorists also have faces, and so we must all remove ours! Send her a kind e-mail asking her to remove her face, in the name of freedom from terrorism!

The comments are quite good too. Here is a short selection of the most lolz inducing ones:

“I suppose they won’t ban guns on TV as terrorists use them as well?”

“I wonder if Yasser Arafat knew he was wearing a paisley scarf?”

“Does this mean we can no longer eat falafel sandwiches & hommus?”

“I regularly wear socks in support of my extremist friends… who also wear socks.”

“Well done to the blogger. It’s time mainstream people fought back against the Islamics. They are trying to make us all think that terrorism is chic. This is exactly how they do it.”

I think this actually now makes Phil no longer the stupidest blogger on the internet.
 

Anyhoo enough on that issue. On to the real news: “Japan woman lived in man’s closet“

For a year, and he didn’t notice…..

That is all.

I watched it last night. It was really good. Good character developement, good story, good camera work. All in all, a good film. I’d use other adjectives, but it’s far too early in the morning for that.

Phil’s opinion on JSA: “I’d touch your joint security area any day!”

Oh noes! “Toilet trouble for space station” But wait…”The space station’s solid waste unit is said to be functioning well.” Well that’s a relief. “Clearly, having a working toilet is a priority for us,” shuttle payload manager Scott Higginbotham said. See..astronauts are just like us.

We’re all doomed. “Monkey’s brain controls robot arm“

“two monkeys were able to use the prosthetic limbs to feed themselves with marshmallows and chunks of fruit. ” Sure..today they’re eating fruit, but tomorrow they’ll be eating people, and I’m not sticking around to have my limbs ripped of by some half crazed monkey robot.

And more crazy news: “Poison cake woman spared prison“

“She had earlier pleaded guilty to attempting to administer poison with intent to injure, aggravate or annoy.” Who poisons people to annoy them? “Hey wait, this isn’t a strepsil! It’s cyanide! That is soo annoying!” But sure we can poke fun at the crazy murderer woman, but I think there’s a more pressing question at hand, was the cake tasty? Well, at this point in time it hasn’t been confirmed, but there are strong rumours that it was “delicious” and “yummy”. We’ll get back to you on this news later.

In other news: I recieved Park Chan-Wook’s “Joint Security Area” on DVD from Amazon today. Expect review soon.

Goodbye.

Just watched buffalo soldiers, good film, well worth watching. Sure I could give a detailed review, but meh.

Reading the news, pretty funny.

Gang attack left MP unconscious

OK, two things: first, “They took my gold chain and my good watch and my diamond stud earrings and I had a diamond ring on that they took,” Who goes jogging in that much bling?

Secondly, “But there was no way they would know I was going out at that time of the night.”  Who goes jogging at night, in loads of bling?

Spanish village holds baby jump! Woah big letters.  

Ahh this is better. Well Spains a crazy place I guess. What with polaris world and all, im suprised it hasn’t exploded out of all that fun.

And the news we’ve all been waiting for: Condoms ‘too big’ for Indian men

Gotta love the news. Fo’ sure, fo’ sure.

The internet is boring tonight. Anyone with a life is out doing stuff offline, and the freaks that I like to talk to all seem to have topped themselves.

Sure, I could spend 3 hours browsing forums and posting millions of comments like “lol” on peoples facebook pictures. But I really don’t feel like doing that. I mean, I could get more excitement watching every single version of Bladerunner, eating pot noodle and jacking off incessantly. I think this pretty much sums up the internet.

Other news:

There is no other news. Goodbye, I’m going to listen to Henry Rollins and play games.

So, I haven’t posted in a while, and I need to procrastinate in order to avoid revising for a 3 hour Philosophy exam I have friday afternoon, what better way to while away a monday afternoon than by writing an irreverent blog post? Sure, no one reads this, but what ya gonna do about it?

Anyhoo, on with the post.

So, what have I been doing recently I hear you ask? Well, for starters I have no college since I have A-levels, so I’m on block release. Yeah..pretty cool right. It gives me time to play video games and *cough* revise *cough*. So far I’ve had 4 exams, Chem CH3a, Bio prac, Maths C1 and C2. I also went to Cardiff with Annie today, I bought 2 pairs of drumsticks. I made chips for lunch. WOWZA.

Yeah..exciting stuff. But, we musn’t dawdle on the boring stuff, excitement calls. That’s right, it’s the part of my blog post where we talk about video games, that I have recently renamed (see below).

Spiderpig’s super duper video game ranch roundup

Pretty snazzy name if you ask me.

As you may know, I happen to enjoy the odd joystick twitch, so as I have so much free time, I’ve decided to play the odd “Videographical Game”. Mostly I’ve been playing Pokemon Pearl on Annie’s DS, since she sometimes needs a bit of help. I helped so much I managed to hurt my thumb, but being a gentleman I pressed on without complaint.

I’ve also managed to get my mits on the long awaited GTA4. Yes..as everyone knows, it is amazing. Now, here people might drivel on about graphics, and gameplay, and story etc. But I think what everyone really wants to hear is, yes, you can pick up hookers and have intercourse with them in your car.

And finally, looking on to the future, Alan wake, Left 4 Dead, and Geeeeaaaarsss of war 2 all look amazing.

Other news

• IMA SHOOTIN MA LAZARZZZ. Finally, I can build my fully operational death star. But what does worry me is this sentence about Fusion Power (not the gilette type), “By-products are no more radioactive than hospital waste.” Here I have a list of the types of hospital waste: Sure, not as bad as nuclear waste, but not as safe as they make out.
  

  GROUP	DESCRIPTION
  A	Includes the following items: identifiable human tissue, blood, animal carcasses and the tissue from veterinary centres, hospitals or laboratories. Soiled surgical dressings, swabs and all other similar soiled waste. Any infectious waste material excluded from Groups B-E.
  B	Discarded syringes, needles, cartridges, broken glass and other contaminated disposable sharp instruments or items.
  C	Microbiological cultures and potentially infected waste from pathology departments and other clinical or research laboratories.
  D	Drugs or other pharmaceutical products.
  E	Items used to dispose of urine, faeces and other bodily secretions and excretions that do not fall within group A. This includes used disposable bedpans or bedpan liners, incontinence pads, stoma bags, catheter bags and tubes and urine containers.

  Sure, not as bad as nuclear waste, but not as safe as they make out.

• Mozambique cops ‘too fat to run’ I’m pretty sure American cops are stereotypically fat as well. Maybe it’s a cop thing.
•  Ooh tags and catagories, musn’t forget those.
• Also, Phil sucks.
• Goodbye

WordPress has changed it’s logo thing and its layout recently.

Also more importantly, Phil has changed his wordpress avatar. The rock of avatarism has finally crumbled, it is no longer a picture of Hikki, but a picture of…….Hikki. ZOMFG.

Hillary Clinton has said “the US would attack, and could “obliterate” Iran, if it launched a nuclear strike on Israel.” I’m sorry…what? That’s a bit heavy isn’t it? It may just be me, but it seems like she’s just trying the scare tactic, like, “ooh, if you don’t vote for me then we’ll all die cause big scary men will hurt us, and everyone else will be to scared to react!” No. Seriously, is there even a possibility that Iran will attack Israel? Was I just not around when everyone was talking about this, or has she just made this up on the spot cause she knows she’s gonna lose? FFS….why? Just shut up and die, Obama FTW.